How To Build Your Professional And Personal Confidence

The world of female sports can be a lonely place. The girls work just as hard as the boys but often receive less attention or credit. article and photo article and photo

This can affect your confidence and self-esteem. The two are very different.

According to Psychology Today, “Be clear that confidence and self-esteem are not the same. Self-esteem refers to general feelings about yourself; confidence refers to your belief and feel in that you can perform a task successfully. I have good self-esteem but no confidence that I can land a plane or return a serve by Federer. The better you feel about yourself, though, the easier it becomes to build confidence for a specific task.”

It’s a boost to your confidence when you have supportive people in your corner like your coach, family or friends. article, wikimedia photo article, wikimedia photo

Unfortunately, not all of us have that ground swell of support. What can we do if we don’t?

A strategy that works well is confident people developed themselves by noting and often celebrating their micro successes and used them, probably sub-consciously, to create positive expectations for more successful experiences. This experience is the root of the confidence building statement.

In other words, I did it once so I can do it again.

Confidence is one of those things that can either propel you forward to achieve and surpass your goals and obtain your dreams or hold you back for fear of failure.

What can help us gain confidence?

We are going to turn our attention to a guest writer who has some helpful suggestions.[adToAppearHere]

What Creates Confidence?
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The Encarta World English Dictionary defines “confidence” as “a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed.” article, wikimedia photo article, wikimedia photo

We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure.

Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do.


What creates personal confidence? How does one become confident in who they are? [adToAppearHere]

If you grew up with parents who valued their own inner qualities and were role models for inner confidence, and valued your inner qualities and supported you in being who you are, it is likely that you feel personally confident.

But most of us did not grow up that way. Most of us grew up with parents or other caregivers who not only lacked personal confidence, but who may have blamed and shamed us, undermining our sense of self.

However, no matter how much we may have been de-valued as children, it is never too late to learn to value ourselves now. The secret in gaining personal confidence is to get to know your true Self – your soul essence – who you really are. article - Wikimedia photo article – Wikimedia photo

Your true Self is your essential inner qualities that you were born with, such as your ability to love, to be kind and caring, to be compassionate and empathic, and to listen well. It is about your basic goodness.

It is also about your creativity, your unique talents, your particular forms of intelligence, your sense of humor, your smile, and your laugh – all that is uniquely you.

If you were not valued for your true Self, then it is likely that you are not seeing or valuing your essence qualities. In fact, you might have decided a long time ago that you are not good enough – that you are somehow inadequate as a person. It is this false belief that creates feelings of inadequacy and a lack of personal confidence.

Right now, imagine that you can see yourself, not from the eyes of your programmed ego wounded self, but from the eyes of your higher self – the eyes of love. Visualize yourself as a very small child and look inside at who that child is. What do you see? Is there anything about you as a small child that makes you unlovable? What are the wonderful qualities that are inherent in you as a child? If this child were your actual child, how would you feel about him or her?

Throughout the day today, practice noticing and valuing your inner qualities. If you do something kind, say to your inner child, “I really value your kindness.” If you are creative or funny, express appreciation for these qualities. Day by day, as you consistently value your intrinsic qualities, you will find yourself gaining in personal confidence. When you learn to appreciate rather than judge who you are you will feel personally confident.


Professional confidence comes with time and practice. The more you learn and practice a particular skill, the better you become at it and the more confidence you have regarding this skill. With enough time and practice, anyone can become confident in their ability to perform.

Some people attempt to define themselves by their performance, believing that what they DO defines who they ARE. When this is the case, they will continue to lack personal confidence, no matter how successful they are professionally. When you attach your worth to your external success, then you have to continually succeed to be worthy, which creates much inner stress. If you find yourself constantly judging yourself to get yourself to perform, you might want to notice that it is this self-judgment that erodes your personal confidence.

Confidence as an adult does not come from others approval. Valuing both who you are and what you do is what creates a deep level of inner confidence.

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About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.

Sources:, Wikipedia,, FCI Elite Competitor, photos thank you Wikimedia Commons.