Editorial Page

A New Year Is Upon Us, Time For Self-Reflection

November 26, 2021,

For College Coaches of Power Five elite football programs, it is not optional.

They have to do it every year, about this time of year, and if they are effective, they have been doing it throughout the year.

Self-reflection is critical.

Not just team analysis and how we can improve. How our fellow coaches and players can improve. That is always important but also self-reflection in terms of their personal relationship with those around them on their management team and their players.

Most of us are part of a team or peer group.

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The focus is your own behavior and an analysis of it. How can you improve in your relationships with those close to you who you need to motivate and elevate?

It is very personal and not optional.

Most of us are not college football coaches but as the year comes to an end, do you assess an annual reflection about your behavior in terms of how you work with your team at home and at work?

The key here is that you are reflecting upon your own behavior. Not that of others. Reflecting with an eye to improvement.

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Your own.

There is a school of thought that it is not optional, though we sometimes may feel that it is. The tendency is to focus on the behavior of those close to you, with analysis, and discuss how they can improve while very carefully leaving yourself out of the equation.

In our above example, many college coaches actually seem to be deficient in that regard.

Why can one coach in particular not win the big games? Every year?

Why did one coach, who was brought in to improve the program, which they always are supposed to do, cause it to fall apart and get decimated so badly, it will take years to bring it back to a competitive level.

Those reflections are based upon true stories.

We weren’t there, but we get the sense, it both cases, the coaches involved did not engage in effective self-reflection on how they need to change themselves in their relationships with those they need to enhance and motivate.

In film, we reflect on a well done thriller where self-reflection was not optional.

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Every Breath You Take, also known as You Belong to Me, is a 2021 American psychological thriller film directed by Vaughn Stein and written by David Murray. It stars Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, Sam Claflin, and Veronica Ferres.

It follows the psychiatrist, whose life is disrupted, when his client, seemingly commits suicide and afterwards, he meets her brother, who beneath the surface, blames him.

Here is the storyline.

Philip Clark is a psychiatrist who lives a peaceful life with his wife Grace and daughter Lucy while grieving the death of his son in a car accident three years ago. Among Philip’s clients is a girl named Daphne who tells him that her brother is “charming and intuitive” and confides in him about her regrets for negative behavior towards her brother.

Philip soon reveals to the audience that Daphne (whom he calls “Mary” for privacy) had made several suicide attempts and was confined to a psychiatric facility for 14 months. Philip also tells the audience that he told Daphne things he never told his family, and adds that a recovered Daphne started to write a book about her illness.

Philip receives a call from Daphne, telling him that her best friend Joan was killed by a hit-and-run vehicle. Later, Daphne is found dead outside her house in an apparent suicide.

No stranger to trauma himself, Philip’s family of his wife and daughter are struggling after the death of Philip’s son, their fellow family member, in a car crash where his wife was the driver.

Though not overt, we sense Philip blames her for his son’s death, though he never comes out and says it but he demonstrates it by being very distant with his wife.

With an element of a charismatic stranger introduced into their situation, the raw nerve begins to ache and Philip needs to do something about it or he faces the decimation of what is left of his family.

Initially his focus was about the behavior of his wife and daughter.

It is only when he reflects upon his own behavior towards both of them does real change occur.

While the film eventually devolves into a standard thriller, the element of self-reflection is extremely well done.

We are indeed coming to the end of the year. Have you taken the time to reflect upon how your own behavior is affecting those you love?

Not reflecting on their behavior but on yours with an eye to improvement.

We have a visiting female writer with some insight on the subject.

Dr. Erica Goodstone is a Spiritual Relationship Healing Expert helping men and women heal their bodies, their relationships and their lives through love. A licensed mental health counselor, marriage therapist, sex therapist and relationship coach, she is a highly professional, experienced and knowledgeable psychotherapist, author, lecturer, and seminar leader.

She has something thoughtful to share.

Self-Reflection – The Missing Piece in Relationships

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Self-reflection is an important basic skill that seems to be lacking in many people’s lives. So many of us are focused on what we want and expect to receive from others.

Most people respond and react according to input from the outside world. If good things happen we praise those who appear to be responsible. If bad things happen, we blame those who appear to be responsible. It often looks as if “they” are doing it to us.

  • What part are we playing in our own life dramas?
  • In what ways are we facilitating, enhancing and encouraging the thoughts, attitudes and behaviors of those closest to us?
  • What are we saying or not saying, feeling and not expressing, demanding without words, or implicitly expecting from others?
  • What are we expecting others to provide for us that perhaps we are unwilling, unable, or downright afraid to make the effort to provide for ourselves?

We can begin each day with a positive expectation, a sense that we will take steps to create what we want in our life. And then, at the end of each day, we can stop to reflect upon the day’s events and evaluate whatever occurred in terms of our own thoughts, behaviors and actions.

Regardless of what other people think, feel and do, the only one we can truly control and change is our own self. We can pay attention to our own thoughts and emotions, speak with honesty and clarity, listen and hear what others are saying, and alter our own attitudes as we gain greater self-understanding and feel compassion for them. Consistent and honest self-reflection protects us from our own fear of hurt, rejection and abandonment.

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Self-reflection requires being present and supportive of our own self, being our own best friend, offering gentle nudges to improve our own attitude and behavior. As we self-reflect, we take the pressure off the other person. We allow others to be free in our presence. We stop taking everything personally. We stop expecting to receive what we want exactly the way we want it. In fact, we stop worrying about receiving.

The question we begin to ask is this: What can I do to enhance the life of this other person? As we self-reflect, we are already enhancing our own life. We become self-reliant and readily reach out for help when we desire greater insight and support. If someone abuses, betrays or hurts us in some way, we do not have to lash out and get even.

When we self reflect, we allow our self to feel all of our own emotions, we acknowledge our own strengths and we forgive our self for any inadequate coping strategies. And then we seek the best and most productive support we can find. And we keep getting that support until we return to our own state of equilibrium.

Dr. Erica Goodstone, a Spiritual Relationship Expert, has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and discords, and to revitalize their relationships and their own mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her web site at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com and you can take the Create Healing and Love Now Personal quiz and get your free personal report and bonus gifts at [http://www.createhealingandlovenow.com].

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Erica_Goodstone,_Ph.D./254313

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5993197

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