FCI Staff Writer Sacramento 
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April 26, 2023,
Many directions this conversation could go, so let’s start at the beginning and see where it takes us.
Taylor was working out at a large franchise gym, getting in the zone, as the intensity of his workouts began to increase.
A female customer had been circling around near him, he was aware of her, but ignored her.
Finally she walked up to him and asked if she could use the same machine to get a set of her own in just once.
Taylor was instantly annoyed, said nothing, but used his hands to say go ahead.
She immediately became angry and snarled words to the effect, “Forget it. Sorry to interrupt your work out”.
Taylor exercised self-control and said nothing. He starting working out for a bit, the lady was still nearby and, still annoyed, he left the machine and walked to the other side of the gym, far away from her.
Making an effort to be as mature as possible, when there is potential for conflict in his life, Taylor post analyzes the occurrence to see what he could do differently next time to prevent conflict.
The first question he asked himself, why was he so honestly annoyed?
He feels it is rude for someone to break up your workout so that they can get a set in. It is as though they are saying to you, their need to finish their work out on time is greater than your need to finish yours. It comes across as selfish and lacking in respect. He has been asked that before by men and twice he told them “no” and both times, they didn’t say anything but they were angry with him.
One time he said “yes” because the man was older.
All said and done, he doesn’t like it when people do that.
He has never asked that from anyone.
Taylor feels the gym is a sacred space and he deserves his privacy. There are people there who are yapping all of the time, loudly, so that others can hear their conversations.
He completely avoids them. Even if someone tries to start a conversation, he is polite but ends it quickly. Why? He is at the gym to do the work. Not socialize.
Next time he will feel obligated to talk to them again.
And again.
And again.
He doesn’t want to feel that obligation.
There you have it.
This is how the conversation started and the overall theme here is self-control.
Even if someone snarls at you, ignore them.
Walk away. Avoid them. Don’t look at them. Time will diffuse their anger if you ignore them.
They lack self-control and trust us, they will engage someone else.
He did wonder if she would be looking out for his car so she could scratch or pop his tires. He knows the gym has a parking lot camera but he will park in a different place.
In this era, so many people are extremely angry and his experience is that anger is typically about self and the person who is angry is always blaming someone else for it, instead of addressing their own internal make up, so the anger never goes away. In fact it usually builds.
That is another intersection.
So, on the other corner of this intersection that we will talk about is, why Taylor didn’t like her interrupting him.
Can we be direct?
He didn’t find her attractive.
That’s a very nice way of saying it.
Which begs a question.
What if she was completely gorgeous? What if she was Taylor’s dream girl? How would he have reacted then?
We think we all know the answer to that one.
He would have been glad that she asked. He would have said of course. He’s not in a rush. Go ahead. Please (smiling). Then he would steal a peek, at her beautiful feminine athletic legs, in those short, shorts as she worked out.
The point?
Beautiful people are treated differently than those who are not.
And the worst part?
Like Taylor, the feelings about both groups are very honest.
Did Taylor feel bad about that?
Not really. He felt that the woman who approached him could present a better personal package. There was something about her that was a little sloppy and unkempt. Not major, but just enough. He also felt that if she was doing that to pick him up, don’t do it that way.
It is not what you say, it’s how you say it.
She so quickly got angry with a person she didn’t even know.
So, there might be a lesson here.
Make yourself as attractive as possible.
The respected team at psychologytoday.com educate, “It has been well-documented that people who are physically attractive, both men and women, enjoy a plethora of benefits and privileges in life (Dion et al., 1972). Good-looking people are also less likely to be judged as guilty in legal and courtroom settings, not to mention the obvious advantages they possess in the relationship and dating departments.”
We get the point.
Based upon good and not so good experiences in our own circle.
You are in the human jungle, and yes, it could be argued that human beings are another form of animal, and if you want to be viewed in a more favorable light, put in the work to make yourself look better.
Don’t look for sympathy.
This philosophy about people seeing how beautiful you are on the inside takes time.
If they are willing to give you that time.
The final part of this intersection is conflict avoidance.
It is not conflict resolution because Taylor removed himself from the situation. She may feel in conflict with him but he doesn’t with her. If she keeps bothering him, since everything is on film, he’ll just go to the management.
What are ways to avoid conflict?
Don’t respond.
How many sports celebrities have almost ruined or completely ruined their career by responding to their situation with violence.
Self-control is critical in conflict avoidance.
Just ignore them.
Walk away.
Whatever you do, don’t respond back in kind.
Remember, self-control is the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s feelings, emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult or trying situations.
Very important.
View the situation as temporary because it is.
Unless you make it more long-term.
By responding.
In Taylor’s situation, he has traveled this road before.
Over time, if he completely ignores her, he is confident she will simply go away.
~ ~ ~
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